The following is from 'A Random Walk in Science':


                  A Glossary for Research Reports


            Text                                   Meaning

  -------------------------------         ------------------------------


  It has long been known that ...         I haven't bothered to look

                                            up the original reference.


  ... of great theoretical and            ... interesting to me, at least

   practical importance


  While it has not been possible          The experiments didn't work out,

    to provide definite answers             but I figured I could at

    to these questions ...                  least get a publication out

                                            of it.


  The W-Pb system was chosen as           The fellow in the next lab had

    especially suitable to show             some already made up.

    the predicted behavior


  High-purity ...                         Composition unknown except for

  Very high purity ...                      the exaggerated claims of

  Extremely high purity ...                 the supplier

  Super-purity ...

  Spectroscopically pure ...


  Three of the samples were chosen        The results on the others

    for detailed study ...                  didn't make sense and were



  ... accidentally strained during        ... dropped on the floor.



  ... handled with extreme care           ... not dropped on the floor.

    throughout the experiments.


  Typical results are shown ...           The best results are shown.


  Although some detail has been lost      It is impossible to tell from

    in reproduction, it is clear from       the micrograph

    the original micrograph that ...


  Presumably at longer times ...          I didn't take time to find out.


  The agreement with the predicted

    curve is excellent                    fair


          good                            poor


          satisfactory                    doubtful


          fair                            imaginary


  ... as good as could be                 nonexistent



  These results will be reported at       I might possibly get around to

   a later date.                            this sometime.


  The most reliable values are those      He was a student of mine

    of Jones


  It is suggested that ...                I think

  It is believed that ...

  It may be that ...


  It is generally believed that ...       A couple of other guys think

                                            so too


  It might be argued that ...             I have such a good answer to

                                            this objection that I shall

                                            now raise it.


  It is clear that much additional        I don't understand it

    work will be required before a

    complete understanding ...


  Unfortunately, a quantitative           Neither does anybody else.

    theory to account for these

    effects has not been formulated.


  Correct within an order of magnitude    Wrong


  It is to be hoped that this work        This paper isn't very good,

    will stimulate further work             but neither are any of

    in the field.                           the others in this miserable



  Thanks are due to Joe Glotz for         Glotz did the work and Doe

    assistance with the experiments,        explained what it meant.

    and to John Doe for valuable



  What the research report says...     What it really means...

  --------------------------------     -------------------------------


  A search of the literature           Hustler and Playboy didn't say.

    fails to show...


  It has long been known that...       Somebody once told me.


  It is generally accepted that...     A guy in a bar once agreed with me.


  It is widespread knowledge           Two guys in a bar once agreed

    that...                              with me.


  It is universally accepted that..    The bartender agreed, too!


  Of great theoretical importance..    I need a dissertation topic.


  Of great practical importance...     I need a job.


  Technical difficulties postponed..   The engineers screwed up.


  A scientific breakthrough            The engineers didn't screw up.



  Typical results confirm...           Nothing exploded...


  Data spread was well within          ...but something *did* melt.

    expected limits.


  Experimental results agreed with     My French curve fit.

    the projected outcome...


  A few anomalous data points were     My French curve didn't fit.

    attributed to instrument



  Agreement with predicted results is:

    Excellent                          What the director wanted.

    Good                               What the team wanted.

    Fair                               What the technicians wanted.

    Poor                               What the truth is.


  Data have been normalized...         You wouldn't believe the numbers

                                         I got.


  Dimensionless parameter plots        Nobody else would, either.



  Statistical analysis reveal...       I had to lie a bit.


  Data processing procedures were      I had to lie a lot.



  Results were generally positive...   I got a raise.


  Significant progress was             I got a good raise.



  The state of the art was             I got promoted!



  Valuable assistance was provided     He stayed out of the lab.



  Invaluable suggestions were          He was the research director.

    provided by...


  Further investigation is             I need another grant.



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