POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."


   ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.


   MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.


   AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.


   THE MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.


   DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Prevents your system from spawning any child processes without joining into a binary network.


   GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.


   NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.


   FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.


   GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).


   TERRY RANDLE VIRUS: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.


   TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.


   ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.


   MICHAEL JACKSON VIRUS: Hard to identify because it is constantly altering its appearance.  This virus won't harm your PC, but it will trash your car.


   CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.


   AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.


   ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.


   OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Turns your printer into a document shredder.


   NIKE VIRUS: Just Does It!


   SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply, and a set of shocks.


   JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Nobody can find it.


   CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.


   IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS: Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.


   STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.


   HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Test your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.


   GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly stating, "Read my test.... no new files!" on the screen, proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congress Virus.


   CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS: Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but you still love it.


Press Backspace to return