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The Twelve Exactly-Determined Politically-Correct Days of Planet Earth's Winter Solstice

(Application to other planets is not guaranteed)

On the twelfth earth-spin-determined time interval of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, said festival being chronologically concurrent with, but not necessarily related to, certain religious activities, usually carried on by the benighted masses, and fueled, of course, by the Religious Right, my significant other conveyed, without contract, and even without demand of prior, present or post payment, but entirely (so it seems) from a state of evolutionary-correct, yet possibly non-scientific, altrusim, to me,

Twelve certifibly male adult (over 21) human beings, each reclaiming their inner warrior by means of intensive ritual drumming upon instruments made from 90% recycled material. All of the finished instrument is recycleable, of course; apologies are made to Mother Earth for the 10% virgin materials that were used. Research is underway to reduce this use even further, should additional instruments be required.

Eleven members in good contractual standing of the Musicians Equity Union, with dues paid to date, piping, on union-made horns, made in America, accompanied by a 34 piece orchestra, according to the standard union contract, even though they will not be called upon to emit a single note of music.

Ten melanin-challenged, testosterone-poisoned, scions of the dominent patriarchal ruling class, rebounding. Glass backboards are in use; they are certified unbreakable. In any case, the audience is protected from the play court by EPA approved shielding.

Nine persons of uncertain gender engaged in rhythmic self expression in a dance approved by the TEA, NEA and OSHA.

Eight economically disadvantaged female human beings engaged in the disapproved process of stealing milk products from enslaved bovine-Americans.

Seven endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands.

Six enslaved foul-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products.

Five golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic feminine subjugation.

Four hours of recorded whale songs.

Three deconstructionist poets from a respected Eastern U.S. University.

Two Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses, using government-approved inks and OSHA-sanctioned work activities.

And a spotted owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree!